It just couldn't be . . .

It came. After an entire summer of waiting and wondering what took so long, the call finally came. I recognized the Adoption Agency’s number immediately on my caller ID when I heard the first ring. My heart spun in circles.

Could it be that long awaited phone call to tell me they approved us, allowing us to soon reunite with our precious children in Colombia? I don’t know if I’ve ever felt such anticipation upon answering a phone, but nothing prepared me to hear the words expressed on the other end of the phone line that day.

“Colombia asked that the adoption not go through.”

Wh-wh-what did she say? The words hit me like a brick, stunning me, leaving me speechless for a minute. I didn’t know how to respond. I didn’t know what to say.

Am I having a bad dream, a nightmare I could still wake up from? This couldn’t be happening. Not after all that . . . not after everything that God . . . not after He clearly gave these children to us and worked out every last detail of the process.

This just couldn’t be. They made a mistake and called the wrong person. My children, my sweet Juan David and Viviana, had waited for us for so long. They were coming home soon! I’d never been so sure of anything in my entire life. God always meant for them to join our family. I loved them. We loved them, and they loved us in return.

I had to do something. I had to fix this, to make it right. Who could I talk to that would hear me out? I had to stop this absurdity.

            The rest of the phone call remains a blur to me, as well as the following hours, days and weeks. I remember I didn’t sleep that night. I spent the entire night on my knees in tears, crying my heart out to the God who created me, the God who gave me those children. I prayed Scripture after Scripture as the night passed.

Mike and David somehow slept, but I couldn’t. Beside myself with grief, I felt so determined to fix whatever fell apart in this process. I had to find a way to still make it work, to point out a huge misconception somewhere. I fully convinced myself it would not end this way.