Denied . . .

Our agency’s director called to personally break the news to us even before she received an official translation from Colombia to send to me. She read bits and pieces of the letter over the phone, specific comments explaining the denial of our petition.

 The letter made such inaccurate claims I couldn’t even begin to understand. We were too withdrawn and introverted. Mike struggles to form close relationships. David felt nervous about sharing a room. I was self-conscious and unable to be assertive. We had misconceived ideas about adoption. We obviously didn’t have a close bond with our son and did not prepare him well enough for adoptive siblings.

 Where did all of this information come from? Didn’t the reports from our social worker and psychologist prove these descriptions wrong? What made us look so withdrawn and introverted? We travel on mission trips all the time, living day in and out with people from all walks of life, building lifelong relationships with those who travel with us. What about all of our church involvement in life groups, growth groups, the adoption ministry group, etc. Those comments played over and over in my head. I didn’t understand.

            How could the letter say we didn’t have a close bond with our son or prepare him well enough for his adoptive siblings? We thought an adoption like this actually prepared David more because we already knew the children we attempted to adopt. We included them in our daily life from the beginning, through pictures, purchases, phone calls, prayers, and conversation. We prayed for them, talked with and about them, dreamed about them, anticipated their arrival, prepared for them, etc.

We constantly talked with David to address his concerns, fears, and excitement. We both shared an incredible bond with him and did nothing but prepare him on a daily basis for the arrival of two new siblings and all of the changes they might bring to our family.

Of course he felt anxious to share his room! He never shared it before, but he also longed for the day his brother would sleep on the top bunk of his bed, keeping him company in his room. Once Juan David’s things accumulated on his shelves and in his closet, the two boys, in actuality, already began to share his bedroom. He had mixed emotions I assumed were normal. I never imagined the negative light those emotions could shadow over our case.

The comment in the letter about our misconceptions about adoption remained a mystery to me. I guess everybody has their own misconceptions they have to work through, but until I could read that formal letter of denial from Colombia, I felt baffled.

All the other “stuff” mentioned came straight from that personality assessment, the one that gave a “true picture” of our personality types and the tendencies they could lead to. Whoever read through it took it all out of context. How could I prove that? Someone completely misread us on a piece of paper. We had to appeal this, to go down there to meet them in person. Then they could determine if we fit those descriptions or not.

Those children counted on us. How could we possibly let them down? God wouldn’t do that to them. Would He?