"Running away" in order to cope

I never dreaded Christmas as much as I did that year. The sadness in my heart stole any joy in celebrating the season. I purchased two beautiful blue Christmas stockings in the summertime to fill for my “newest” family members. Now they remained empty. I had no desire to dig out the other decorations, to transform our little house with the magic of Christmas. I didn’t want a tree, a wreath, a star, lights … nothing. I hung our stockings and set out a few nativity scenes. My heart couldn’t handle much more than that.

David, on the other hand, wanted and needed every decoration up. We dug out at least a few bins for him to go through, and he decorated his entire bedroom with several little trees, nativity sets, reindeer, lights, and musical decorations. He filled his room to the brim with the Christmas magic the rest of our home lacked.

Viviana clung to her dream of our visit, but we didn’t have the opportunity to travel to Colombia see her. I kept my promise to her by sending a Christmas package, filled with as many of the clothes and little goodies we bought for her that fit into the box--a special purple quilt, red sunglasses, a purple watch, Scooby-Doo movies, and a few other things she asked for.

We also filled the box as tightly as possible with the clothing we picked out for her at various yard sales throughout the year. I filled all the extra space with small dolls and toys, squeezed in a little white stuffed puppy, and even added a few Spanish books. On top of the box’s contents, I placed a letter reminding her I would love her forever and would pray for her every day. A Christmas ornament with my picture on one side and David’s picture on the other tucked itself inside the letter. The overflowing box represented my final goodbye.

Another box filled with clothes, books, and two backpacks also made its way toward Colombia for Juan David and Julian. I didn’t know Juan David’s size, so I suggested he and Julian split the contents based on what they needed, wanted, and could wear. It both broke and thrilled my heart to include the special blanket he’d asked for, the one we draped over “his” bed. My final letter to him stated my sorrow over not spending Christmas with him, reminding him God still had a great plan. I never wrote the word “goodbye,” but I knew he could read between the lines to know why I sent the box.

Mailing those two packages cost us a near fortune. One of us could have flown all the way to Colombia with them for a similar cost! But the money didn’t matter. We knew those packages would light up their world for Christmas, as well as bring comfort to Juan David especially. Nothing mattered to me more.

School got out for the holiday, we mailed the boxes to Colombia, and then we headed out of town the same day. I don’t know that any of us could have handled the holiday at home, even David, despite his room bursting at the seams with Christmas décor. Too many reminders of our shattered dreams would have made for a miserable vacation. David needed us fully present with him, and we needed to find a way to somehow enjoy ourselves.

After driving over twelve hours straight through the night to Indiana, it felt good to distract ourselves with an early Christmas celebration with Mike’s family for a few days. God even sent a special treat for David as soon as we arrived. Snow! Only an inch or two of accumulation was enough for David to blissfully throw snowballs and make snow angels.

A few days later, we continued our drive eastward all the way to Pennsylvania. A winter snowstorm hit right before we got there, so you can imagine the surprise that greeted David as we pulled up to nineteen inches of snow at my brother’s house! Our little Texan never saw or played in so much snow in his entire life!

What an amazing ten days lay in front of our little boy. We showed him some of his mommy’s old stomping grounds in Lancaster County. We also spent a day in Philadelphia, saw the Liberty Bell and visited Hershey’s Chocolate World. Yet the experiences in the snow, sledding and building a huge snow man truly topped them all for David.