My faith renewed even more, I started reading like crazy again. Like a
sponge, I soaked up every word I could. This time, I no longer read about
grief, hope, and healing. Instead, I read everything I could find on grace. I read
so many unlikely stories God wrote into people’s lives when they completely surrendered
to Him and His glory, no matter what.
Jan Winebrenner’s book, The Grace of Catastrophe—When what you know
about God is all you have[1], helped me cling
to God when nothing made sense. Two other books also drew my complete attention,
Bruce Wilkinson’s Dream Giver [2]and
Mark Batterson’s Wild Goose Chase[3]. Both proved the
reality that God doesn’t fit in a box. Once we’re willing to take Him out of
the box, we see how much we actually miss! In fact, as long as we keep Him in
the box, we might miss the whole point.
God led us on our own wild goose chase, in pursuit of His will but without
a clue where it headed. We never dreamed how a seventeen-year-old Colombian
orphan could turn our lives upside down. In fact, we expected to bring home a
little girl from El Salvador to raise as our own only three years earlier. Our
desire for a daughter led us to a little girl from Colombia, connecting us to
her preteen brother, who ultimately led us to their seventeen-year-old brother.
We didn’t plan it this way. We didn’t envision this life. We didn’t
know we embarked upon this journey. But the relationship God created now between
Julian and our family amazed us. God took us on the adventure of a lifetime,
showing us beauty really can rise from the ashes of our losses.
Another summer almost closed again, so I used what little time remained
to research any existing options for possible futures we could offer Julian. After
searching for weeks, I found a program at a nearby community college offering
the possibility for Julian to study in the States for a semester or two in an
intensive English course already set up to help international students get
their visas.
Maybe our spare bedroom belonged to Julian instead of his sister. The
thought of it excited me and grew hope in me. We gave him a list of things to
start acquiring to make it possible. He would gather some of the paperwork on
his own, but we agreed to wait until much closer to his eighteenth birthday to
talk with anyone from the orphanage about it. We still feared his social
worker’s and psychologist’s reactions to his connection with us. At this point,
we didn’t know yet if God planned for Julian to come here, but it couldn’t hurt
to look into the possibility.
The school year soon started again, as well as my second ladies’ Bible
study. My first study intrigued Julian because he’d never even heard of a Bible
study, so it opened up several meaningful conversations between us on the topics
of Scripture and prayer. Now he wanted to know more about my second study, Jennifer
Rothschild’s Walking by Faith—Lessons I Learned in the Dark.[4]
I’m the one who needed that study. As soon as I read the title, I knew
God wanted me to lead it. I led my first study from personal experience, but I led
this one in the dark, still walking through it. I loved walking alongside the
ladies He sent to my class as they learned to dig deep in the Word. I found a
passion in this area and realized I found my niche in the church, an area where
I truly enjoyed serving.
As my own faith blossomed again, I watched Julian’s faith grow, as well.
We shared many long talks about grief, sadness, loss, and also about faith,
hope, and healing. We talked often about clinging to God when it hurts and
allowing Him to carry us when we lose our strength. We also talked a lot about
prayer. Honestly, I didn’t know where he stood in his relationship with Christ,
or if he even had one, but I knew God gave me this chance to plant seeds into
his life. My own experience with grief helped me reach Julian in a way I never
could have from a mountaintop. God showed me how my experience in the valley could
help someone else.
"You know, today I kept thinking about how much
God helped me throughout my life. The way you and I have gotten to know each
other gives me immense happiness. To think I always believed God abandoned me,
now I know that wasn't the case." Julian opened up to me in a whole new
way.
"Your words right now bring me so much joy. I
thought the same thing today, how God used our story of losing your siblings to
ultimately change your life. Although what happened nearly destroyed us,
I now see Him making something beautiful I never imagined before." My
reply reminded me of my final words at the women’s spiritual retreat when I
expressed God breaking us in order to bring about something beautiful. The
joy I desperately prayed for returned. I felt it deep within.
"I thought that same thing many times. The plan of God--it's a
wonderful thing. I now know God has a plan for me, and He has a plan for
everyone.” His response held a new hope.
"I'm so glad to hear you say that, because a few short months ago,
I know you didn’t think that way." I typed with incredible emotion, in awe
of God’s evident working.
“I know,” he responded.
He got it. He
got the message I poured into him, day in and day out. God did not forgot or
abandon him. Reading those heartfelt words made the entire experience worth it.
God used us in a mighty way to change that boy’s whole mindset.
[1] The
Grace of Catastrophe—When What You Know About God is All You Have, Jan Winebrenner, 2005, Moody Publishers.
[2] Dream Giver, Bruce Wilkinson, 2003, Multnomah Books.
[3] Wild Goose Chase—Reclaim the
Adventure of Pursuing God,
Mark Batterson, 2008, Multnomah Books.
[4]
Walking by Faith—Lessons I Learned in the Dark, Jennifer Rothschild, 2003, Life Way Press.
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