Kisses from Colombia

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/410179478535236895/

Grace. A word I never understood. I even graduated from a college called Grace, and I still didn’t get it. You have to experience grace to grasp it. I knew His grace would be sufficient, but I didn’t know what that meant. I had to live by it day after day to understand.

God’s grace came to us in many ways. It arrived in the form of an e-mail, connecting me to someone I could finally talk to, someone who understood precisely what and who I lost, who could fill in the gaps like no one else could. Grace came through comfort from friends who carried us in prayer. It came in the form of a letter from someone I thought I’d never hear from again. It came in the form of a picture, one of my sweet boy blowing me kisses and one of my precious girl smiling from ear to ear, with her hair all grown out. It also came in the form of a smile, one of the most beautiful smiles I had ever seen, on the face of a boy I wondered if I’d ever have a chance to meet.

I finally got my letter from Juan David (or the picture of it that Julian e-mailed me). What a gift! Short and sweet, he sent his love and concern for David over a recent injury. He also expressed happiness over having a family.

Julian attached pictures of the three kids, now two years older than the last time I saw them. A picture of Viviana standing with her friends showed her hair now much longer. She smiled from ear to ear, looking as pretty as ever. Another picture with Julian beside her captured the endearing love between them. Julian’s smile melted my heart, one of the most beautiful smiles I’ve ever seen. He even attached pictures of him and Juan David together, too.

I found one particular picture of Juan David a little too blurry to see clearly.

“What is Juan David doing in that picture?” I asked Julian a few days later.

“Blowing you kisses. We took that picture just for you.” Eight months of silence, and now I got kisses all the way from Colombia right to my computer screen. More than enough grace to get me through the day, especially considering I thought I’d never know another thing about him.

After months of wallowing in self-pity, I now wondered how I got so lucky to be loved by these three precious orphans. I finally found the closure I always wished for. I printed out all the pictures and hung them on the wall in the spare bedroom, surrounding a small framed poster defining Scriptural FAITH as the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen (Hebrews 11:1).

Surprised by grace

Surprised by Grace

Just when I thought the curtain
finally closed on the show,
when I thought I said goodbye,
accepting there’d be things I’d never know …

I put them in Your hands
when You said, “Let them go, dear one,
trust Me fully with this sacrifice
so I can finish what I have begun.”

Then Your grace appeared,
and You gave me new eyes to see
more of the work You’ve been doing
in the almost forgotten child number three.

I didn’t see it coming,
or know he, too, needed me
to daily say I love him,
and pray for him faithfully.

I didn’t see the difference
God wanted me to make in his life,
nor of the Hope I could give him
to work through his internal strife.

I didn’t have any clue
the hope and healing he’d give to me
through pictures and acts of gratitude
for loving his family.

Still orphans they remain today,
still brokenhearted I am,
yet confident God still works
to finish what He began.

I won’t cease to intercede for them.
I will carry them daily in prayer.
I trust their Father completely
and know they’re safe within His care.

I long for the day to come
when I meet that third child face to face,
yet I know I can’t even fathom
how God will surprise me by grace.

http://godgathering.com/grace-from-god/

Extraordinary Faith

God proceeded to restore us. Little by little, He revealed glimpses of how He redeemed our story. We learned what it really meant to walk by faith.

I came home a few days later from the bookstore with a new book, Sheila Walsh’s Extraordinary Faith[1]. I devoured it, marking up every other page along the way. She reminded me throughout the book that faith doesn’t just trust the answers will come someday. It trusts God whether we ever get answers or not. Faith doesn’t mean everything will all work out in the end. No matter what news we get, God will never abandon us or leave our side. Faith trusts in the security and constant presence of a Savior. We still hurt, but in the midst of the hurt, enough grace comes each day to get us through.

I believed I possessed strong faith throughout the entire adoption process and later through the appeal. I see now I had it all wrong. I finally understand what it means to live by faith and to experience the grace that holds me together each day.

---

[1] Extraordinary Faith, Sheila Walsh, 2005, Thomas Nelson.

http://www.amazon.com/Extraordinary-Faith-Perfect-published-Hardcover/dp/B008PGYAAC/ref=sr_1_14?ie=UTF8&qid=1444605591&sr=8-14&keywords=Extraordinary+Faith

Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. 

Hebrews 4:11

Like manna from Heaven

Despite all the healing and renewed hope that summer, more heartache loomed on the horizon. Julian’s latest news devastated me all over again.

“Rachelle, I’m so heartbroken. The family that wanted my brother and sister decided to just take Juan David, not Viviana. They want a child that can do things independently, and Viviana needs too much help and attention.”  It looked like Juan David and Viviana faced a permanent separation from each other. Juan David’s soccer interests made him fit perfectly with the prospective family’s athletic schedule. Viviana’s needs claimed too much of their time.

No!!! This couldn’t be. How could they even think about splitting them? Those two children loved each other dearly. I couldn’t even fathom how God could allow this to happen after all we did to try to adopt both of them together.

“You should have seen the sadness in Viviana’s eyes when she told me.” Julian expressed his own deep sadness when he shared the news with me. I didn’t even want to imagine how her heart broke. Not only did she not gain a family, after all, but now she watched that family tear her brother from her life.

 “Julian, you need to love on her more than ever. She truly needs you now.” I didn’t have words to comfort him. How did I process this new devastation, anger, and confusion?

My heart hurt so much for my precious Viviana. At least she still had Julian. Maybe, I reasoned, God meant to keep her and Julian together rather than her and Juan David.

Yet my heart ached equally for Juan David. What did this news do to him? Did it break his heart? Did he feel guilty? Did the split anger him? Did he even still want an adoption without her? Did he have a choice? Could he say no?

He obviously felt happy to have a family and a future, but did his heart break to lose his beloved little sister? I doubt they ever imagined someone might separate them some day. I longed to talk with him, but I knew better than to hope for such a possibility.

I woke up one morning about a week or so later with my heart heavier than ever, aching for those two precious children. I played such a huge part of both of their lives, and now I ached to know if Juan David was okay. I looked up to God in tears and asked for one thing.

“Can I please hear from Juan David again someday?” I tearfully pleaded.

I knew a phone call would never happen. I’d never hear that boy’s voice again. I knew he couldn’t send me a letter. But I also knew he had my e-mail address, and I wondered if, one day, he might pull it out again and write to me. Maybe he’d write to let me know he had a family once they completed his adoption.

I would have given anything to hear from him again. Eight months already passed since the last time I shared a phone call with him. I knew I’d made quite a bold request God would likely never grant me, but I also knew He held the power to make it happen.

About a week or so later, I sat in the kitchen again with my little pink laptop open so I could chat online with Julian.

“My brother wrote you a letter over the weekend.” Julian had no idea the significance of what he just said.

What? Did I read that right? “Who wrote a letter?” I asked.

“Juan David wrote a letter.”

“Who did you say he wrote a letter to?”

“To you!” He replied, oblivious to the sudden, unexpected whirlwind of emotion on my end.

My eyes filled with tears. I couldn’t believe it! I experienced one of those transcendent moments when you can almost feel God reaching His hand down from Heaven and touching you. He heard my cry, and He answered me. Not a soul knew I asked God to let me hear from Juan David again.

“Your words make me want to cry, Julian.”

“I don’t understand. I didn’t say anything sad.”

“God just used you to show me that He answered my prayer.” I proceeded to explain my conversation with God a week earlier, believing in my heart He would not grant my request, considering the circumstances.

Wow. What a humbling moment. God showed up at my kitchen table that day. He sat with me and met me on an incredibly personal level, looking me in the eye and wiping my tears away. “I’m here, my child. I heard your cries. I saw your tears. I did not forget even one of them.”

 Julian took a picture of the letter to send to me via e-mail. They also took other pictures he wanted to send me, including one of him and Viviana. It didn’t matter if I ever got that letter. God gave me a gift by letting me know Juan David actually wrote to me.

God heard me. He saw me. He showed Himself fully present with me and fully present with those kids.

Like manna from Heaven, the simple knowledge of that letter sustained me, meeting me right at my point of need. I don’t know how much more personal God could have been to me in that moment, marking a huge turning point in my faith.

http://www.aperfectworld.org/clipart/communications/letter.png