Despite my
anxiety, God orchestrated every detail. Someone from the school contacted me
with the exact address of the apartment we planned to stay in, and they
arranged for a driver to take us there from the airport. Plus they told us the
exact amount to rent the apartment for two weeks, freeing us to create some
sort of budget.
A repeated conversation with David came to my mind.
“I can’t believe how much money we lost in that adoption process.”
Anger gripped his little heart for quite a while.
“God will bless us. Someday, somehow, He will bless us.” I had no other
response to give him.
Now we watched God pour out His blessings by providing a furnished
apartment for us at only a fraction of the cost of a hotel.
As each remaining day passed by more quickly, a new fear arose inside
me. If time flew this fast now, would it fly just as fast while there? If we
indeed got to spend time with Julian, I hoped each day would creep by us so we
could savor every moment. I fought constant anxiety during those final weeks.
Fighting Fear
What is it that awaits us
now only fifteen days away,
at the tip of South America,
where I find my thoughts each day?
As each one passes by me,
my heart skips another beat.
I can’t help but hold my breath …
Could this dream, too, end in defeat?
Am I claiming wishful thinking,
or a hope only God can give?
Am I safe to claim His guidance?
Is it alright to let hope live?
Just what awaits us in Colombia?
What could Your purpose be?
As we take this giant step by faith,
please give us eyes to see…
A teaching job, a ministry,
an organization to support,
or could it be a doorway
back to a dream cut short?
So many possibilities
might await us there.
My heart spins in circles,
as I pour it out to God in prayer.
Take away these anxious feelings.
Take away this trembling fear.
May every step we take
be filled with peace that You are near.
HOPING
for a different end this time…
Months away was all it seemed,
before the months soon turned to weeks.
When the weeks turned into days …
All my emotion reached its peak!
Only days till I could hold them,
only days till our eyes would meet,
till those days unexpectedly vanished,
all the waiting a useless feat.
How our hearts were broken,
how shattered I was inside,
I’d never hold them in my arms,
All our dreams had died.
Now here I sit again,
watching months turn into weeks.
I failed to guard my heart.
Only hope is what I seek.
Hope that one day soon we’ll meet,
one day soon we will embrace.
Everything we all have suffered
will finally be replaced with grace.
for a different end this time…
Months away was all it seemed,
before the months soon turned to weeks.
When the weeks turned into days …
All my emotion reached its peak!
Only days till I could hold them,
only days till our eyes would meet,
till those days unexpectedly vanished,
all the waiting a useless feat.
How our hearts were broken,
how shattered I was inside,
I’d never hold them in my arms,
All our dreams had died.
Now here I sit again,
watching months turn into weeks.
I failed to guard my heart.
Only hope is what I seek.
Hope that one day soon we’ll meet,
one day soon we will embrace.
Everything we all have suffered
will finally be replaced with grace.
Yet as each week passes by me,
as our day comes nearer still,
I find myself in fear again,
the thought gives me a chill.
What if something happens?
What if, by chance, you’re sent away?
What if we finally make it there,
and never get our meeting day?
Yet still I hope amidst my fear
God won’t take you away,
one day soon I’ll really meet you,
“this child for whom I prayed.”
No matter what future awaits us,
I know now after such intense prayer
God has a plan for us in Colombia,
and He used you to take us there….
I Samuel 1:27
I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him.
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