As Julian and I grew closer in those summer months, I learned more
about him every day. I also learned more about the traumatic life of an orphan.
You always hear the stories about adoption, but how often do we hear the
stories about those that never get adopted and step into the world alone? How
often do we take the time to listen to those voices? Julian displayed the heart
of wounded child. He shared the hurts in his life openly with me, thanking me
many times for caring so much about him.
“I love you so, so much.” My heart healed a little bit more every time
he typed those words to me, bonding us for life.
God set me on
a new mission to prove to Julian He did not forget or abandon him. God still
prepared a future for him, as well as for his siblings. I shared that message with
him as often and frequently as possible.
In addition
to giving me Julian to help me heal, God also gave me the opportunity to
finally dive into a ministry that burned in my heart for years. I poured myself
into teaching my first ladies’ Bible study at my church over
the summer. God planted the desire in my heart earlier, but He used me even
more effectively now as a broken vessel. His light shines much brighter through
our cracks and broken pieces than it does through our well-manicured,
seemingly-perfect lives.
When I
received the list of available studies to teach from the church, God quickly
made it clear which study He wanted me to teach. No book or study ever changed
me like Stormie Omartian’s study on The Power of a Praying Wife [1]three
years earlier.
After moving to Texas several years prior with a broken marriage and a
bitter heart, I took a friend’s suggestion to read Stormie Omartian’s book. Rather
than just reading it, I prayed one of the prayers over my husband every single
day until it became a habit. Through that exercise, God changed me in so many
ways, and I found a life of prayer I only ever dreamed of having.
I also began to pray similar prayers over my son, my family, my leaders,
and my friends on a daily basis. I learned to pray Scripture, and I found an
indescribable intimacy with Christ. I literally felt my heart soften toward my
husband. Our marriage started to change, he began to change, and the entire climate
of our home changed. Now three years later, I knew God wanted me to not only
teach the study but to transparently show the ladies how He used it to change
my life, to change me.
I count that teaching experience as one of the greatest blessings God
ever gave me, healing my broken heart even more, giving me the joy I so
desperately prayed to find again. I watched a group of strangers from different
services, classes, age groups, (and even churches) assume the role of a prayer
warrior for each other and for their husbands. They opened up to one another on
deep levels, often shedding many unexpected tears. I can’t thank God enough for
what He did among those women, while healing my heart at the same time. He continued
to replace my despair with incredible hope.
For the first time ever, I shared my poetry with others by printing out
some of my poems each week for the ladies in the study. They encouraged me to
share it more often, showing me how my poems ministered and spoke to them.
“Rachelle, my
adult daughter has struggled through so many issues in her life, and she said
your poetry really uplifts her. She’d like your permission to share it with her
friends.” My friend’s request encouraged me to see that now God used my poetry,
my songs, to speak life into others. They didn’t share my story, but they
shared my despair and wanted to claim my Hope.
“My child,
it’s time to stop hiding who you are and who I made you.” God spoke to me
deeply that summer as He used the broken pieces of my life to mold me into the
person He created me to become. He used that group of women to break me out my
shell of insecurity, to finally help me let the walls come down. Those women
will forever occupy a special place in my heart.
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