Sensing God's timing

Grief. I expected it to last longer. Though completely unplanned and unexpected, this pregnancy seemed so timely. Details fell into place as soon as we shared our news. A late November birth would work well with a school schedule, allowing me both a time off for maternity leave, as well as a few extra weeks with the Christmas holiday. Two people already offered us quality, affordable daycare within only a few days.

Yet as quickly as we discovered the pregnancy, God took our new baby home. I suffered a miscarriage a few weeks later.

“Our baby got sick, so sick we could never take care of it. God took our baby to Heaven to wait for us there.” The tears still welled up in our little boy’s eyes despite my attempt to explain the miscarriage. He’d just lost his first sibling, and it affected him more deeply than I understood at the time.  We all struggled with the initial shock over the abrupt ending to our pregnancy.

I took a day off work to spend some time alone. After several hours in one of my favorite coffee shops, with a soothing drink and a notebook, I heard God speak to me so clearly through my poetry.

“Your child already lives, and waits, for you.” A simple phrase from Heaven touched me deeply.

I left that coffee shop with peace in my heart rather than the heavy grief I arrived with a few hours earlier. More than peace, I felt an inexplicable joy. The time came to begin our adoption journey.

Six months later, we found ourselves sitting through an Adoption Conference our church advertised for months.

 “I can barely contain my excitement! Your time has arrived! We are finally here!” I silently screamed of my enthusiasm to God, but I really wanted to climb on the roof and shout it out for all to hear. Okay, so that’s not really my personality, but I could hardly believe the day finally arrived.

 

I dreamed my whole life to adopt a foreign child, yet I nearly lost sight of my dream over the last few years. The opportunity now stood before us as a couple, and we embraced it. We listened to each speaker at the conference tell their own story of adoption, extinguishing our fears of the unknown. What once seemed impossible and overwhelming now held possibility. We both sensed God’s obvious timing to begin our adoption journey.

Over the lunch hour, my husband, Mike, and I joined another couple at a table, and we shared our reasons for coming to conference.

“So what brings you here today?” I asked, almost assuming everyone came with the same enthusiasm.

“We’ve struggled with infertility for years. We’ve spent so much money on so many doctors, treatments, and procedures, but nothing seems to work. I don’t know if I’m ready to think about adoption yet, but we’re here to check it out.” She desperately wanted to bear a child of her own and didn't feel ready to give up trying. For her, adoption meant defeat, having to accept Plan B. God had not yet placed the desire on her heart.

 We, on the other hand, never once felt even a twinge of desire to look into fertility options as a couple. God already blessed us with the biological birth of our son, David, six years earlier. We grieved the miscarriage of our second pregnancy, but we did not long to bear more children of our own. Too many children lived without the love and security of a family. We both felt God would grow our family through adoption someday.

Our marriage started off much rockier than we imagined, and we already scraped our way through a series of financial disasters that kept us from even envisioning an adoption process any earlier. Now, upon seeing the anguish written on this woman’s face over a decision to adopt and, at the same time, feeling incredible excitement over our own decision confirmed God’s timing for us.

I felt like I stood on top of the mountain that day, yet quite a distance still separated us from the mountain. We’d only taken a few steps in that direction.

After the lunch hour, we specifically attended a presentation by an adoption agency starting a brand new program in El Salvador. We wanted a little girl from a Spanish-speaking country so we could continue to raise her in a bilingual home. We’d watched our son build a sweet friendship with a girl his age, so we thought maybe a sister close in age to him would fit well in our family. After we sat through the entire session and found how to get started, we felt convinced God led us directly to them.

“A complete process to adopt from El Salvador should take about eighteen months, and then you will spend about three weeks in the country before bringing your child home.” The presenter’s predictions sounded completely doable and also like a wonderful travel opportunity. I could hardly wait! The excitement brewed within me!

By attending the conference that day, we found a Christian agency, picked a country, talked with a representative, and walked out with the application in hand. We didn’t even stay around for the rest of the day’s events. We left early to pick up David from a babysitter, and I completed our application online before I even made it to bed that night.